Table of Contents

1. What’s Your Love Language?

2. What Are Words of Affirmation?

3. Examples of Words of Affirmation

4. Benefits of Words of Affirmation

5. How to Ask for More Words of Affirmation

6. Tips for Using Words of Affirmation

7. How to Make Words of Affirmation a Habit

8. What to Avoid

9. Conclusion

Actions speak louder than words—unless your partner's love language is "words of affirmation." In this case, words mean everything. Whether written or spoken, a person whose main love language is words of affirmation cares a lot about what you say to them. Simple phrases like "I'm thankful for..." and "I love how you..." go a long way in making them feel appreciated.

What’s Your Love Language?

Understanding your love language and that of your partner is key for a healthy, happy relationship. Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, introduces five main love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each language is a different way of showing and receiving love.

Taking a love language quiz can help you and your partner find your main love languages. This knowledge can greatly improve your communication and closeness. When both partners know and meet each other's love languages, it creates a deeper connection and mutual appreciation.

What Are Words of Affirmation?

Words of affirmation are expressions that show your love, appreciation, and respect for someone. These are positive words and phrases used to lift someone up. Notably, these compliments and words of encouragement don't have to be said in person. A handwritten note or a heartfelt text can be just as meaningful.

According to Gary Chapman, words of affirmation is the most common love language, slightly beating quality time and acts of service. It's the only love language that focuses on verbal expression. People who give and receive love through words of affirmation tend to notice and care about the details of others' lives. They might be the first to comment on a new haircut or ask about a neighbor's sick dog.

Those whose main love language is words of affirmation are often sensitive and aware of their surroundings. They are encouragers who know just what to say to make others feel better. They hope you can do the same for them.

Examples of Words of Affirmation

Here are a few examples of words of affirmation:

• "You make my life brighter just by being in it."

• "Everything is better when you're here."

• "I admire your strength and resilience."

• "You always know how to make me smile."

• "I appreciate it when you..."

• "I couldn't do this without you."

• "I trust you completely."

• "You bring out the best in me."

• "You have a heart of gold."

• "I’m so thankful to have you in my life."

• "It impressed me when you..."

• "Thank you for..."

• "Your kindness is truly inspiring."

• "You are doing such a great job. I’m really proud of you."

• "You are one of my favorite people to be around."

• "I love the way you think."

• "You are so special to me."

• "You have a unique talent for..."

• "You are the best."

• "I'm so lucky to be with you."

• "You make every day better just by being yourself."

• "You’re an inspiration!"

• "Your support means so much to me."

Words of affirmation can also be important in other types of relationships. For example, using positive affirmations to show kindness and gratitude toward family members, friends, bosses, or co-workers can strengthen those bonds as well.

Journal together, and practice word of affirmation with your partner on Waffle

Benefits of Words of Affirmation

For those who value verbal expression, hearing words of affirmation can help them feel valued, satisfied, and happier in their relationships. This practice strengthens communication, shows appreciation, nurtures emotional closeness, and boosts self-esteem.

Studies show that offering words of affirmation can have a positive impact on the giver as well. Complimenting others is linked to a greater sense of well-being. When your partner feels appreciated, they are likely to experience deeper satisfaction with themselves and with the relationship.

Emotional Intimacy

Offering words of affirmation can nurture emotional closeness, which is crucial for any relationship. Emotional closeness involves a deep sense of connection and trust between partners, and affirming words can significantly enhance this bond. When you express appreciation and love verbally, it creates a safe space where both partners feel valued and understood.

Self-Worth and Motivation

Receiving words of affirmation can boost your partner's self-worth and motivation. For instance, if your partner has been making an extra effort on a special project or on their appearance, acknowledging their effort with encouraging words can lift their spirit and boost their self-esteem.

Communication Improvement

Using words of affirmation regularly improves communication in a relationship. It opens up channels for expressing feelings, appreciation, and concerns in a positive way. This practice ensures that both partners feel heard and valued, reducing misunderstandings and fostering a harmonious relationship.

Recap

Words of affirmation can be an effective way to improve communication, show appreciation, deepen intimacy, and increase self-esteem.

How to Ask for More Words of Affirmation

If your love language is words of affirmation, hearing a positive or loving message from your partner feels amazing. You might wonder how to encourage them to use this love language more often.

1. Express Gratitude: When your partner offers words of affirmation, let them know their words make you feel good. Say something like, "I love when you tell me what a great job I'm doing," or "It makes me feel so good to hear you say that."

2. Introduce Love Languages: If your partner isn’t familiar with the concept of love languages, introduce them to it. Discuss each other's preferred languages and make it a fun and intimate conversation.

3. Recognize Their Efforts: Even if your partner's main love language isn't words of affirmation, appreciate their efforts when they show love in their own way.

Tips for Using Words of Affirmation

If your partner's main love language is words of affirmation, finding ways to communicate how much they mean to you is crucial. Here are some tips:

Be Authentic

People who have words of affirmation as their main love language can tell if you're not being genuine. Make sure what you're saying comes from the heart.

Be Empathetic

When using words of affirmation, it's important to show that you recognize how your partner is feeling, especially if they are feeling down. Show empathy by understanding their feelings and expressing your support.

Show Your Appreciation

People who thrive on positive words and comments will feel happy when others recognize and appreciate what they do. Whether it's how they do the laundry, the meal they cooked for dinner, or the time they spent helping you, be specific about what you liked and show your appreciation. This fills their "love tank" and makes them feel valued.

Say 'I Love You' Often

People whose main love language is words of affirmation never get tired of hearing "I love you." Find new and creative ways to say it.

Mail Them a Letter

Receiving a love letter in the mail can be very special. If a letter seems overwhelming, buy a cute card and write a nice note inside. These love notes can be kept and cherished.

Post a Note

Use a sticky note to leave a little message about how much they mean to you. Get creative by posting notes in the shape of a heart on the bathroom mirror or the window of their car.

Give Them a Shout Out

Compliment your words of affirmation partner in front of other people. Tell them what makes you proud and what you really appreciate. Be careful not to embarrass them, but sharing your admiration will touch their heart.

Point Out Their Strengths

Point out your partner's strengths, especially when they are feeling down or discouraged. Remind them of their good qualities and what they do well.

Dial It Up

When your partner is going through a tough time, be extra kind and loving. Offer words of encouragement and show them that you are there for them.

Recap

When using words of affirmation, be authentic, appreciative, and empathetic. Let your partner know how much you care, and don't be afraid to write your feelings down.

How to Make Words of Affirmation a Habit

Even if words of affirmation aren't your main love language, it's a good idea to make them a daily habit. Here are some tips:

Try a Pet Name

Begin each conversation with a pet name for your partner. For example, say, "Good morning, beautiful" or "How are you, sweet pea?"

Be Yourself

Don't put too much pressure on yourself or say things you don't mean. Be your authentic self and share what you appreciate about your partner.

Offer Encouragement

Words of affirmation can also include encouragement. When your partner shares their goals or interests, let them know you believe in them.

Create a List

If you find it hard to share words of affirmation, make lists of affirming words. This can help you build a bank of kind words to share with your partner.

Use Reminders

Set reminders on your phone or write them in your planner to prompt you to give words of affirmation. This can help you establish a habit.

Practice Daily

Include words of affirmation in your daily routine. The key is consistency.

Observe and Learn

Pay attention to how your partner responds to different types of affirmations. Use the ones that resonate most with them.

What to Avoid

People whose main love language is words of affirmation are often very hurt by gaslighting, narcissism, and emotional abuse. Negative words, accusations, and criticisms are very painful to them.

Don't Assume

Don't assume there is a perfect quote for every situation. Sometimes, just being there and saying something simple and heartfelt is enough.

Avoid Being Mean or Hurtful

Don't be mean or hurtful with your words. Avoid making derogatory comments, even in jest, as these can cause deep emotional pain.

Don't Be Overly Critical

Avoid being overly critical or condescending. Constructive feedback should always be balanced with positive affirmations and delivered with care.

Avoid Insensitive Jokes

Don't make fun of them or tease them too intensely; they are sensitive. Light teasing might be okay if it’s part of your relationship, but always be mindful of their feelings.

Avoid Manipulation

Don't try to manipulate them with words or hit below the belt. Using words as a weapon can cause long-lasting damage to their self-esteem and your relationship.

No Shortcuts

Don't try to take shortcuts in expressing love to them; they can tell when you're faking it. Authenticity is key, and any insincerity will likely be noticed.

Don't Withhold Kind Words

Don't withhold kind words as a punishment. Silent treatments or refusing to offer affirmations can be particularly hurtful to someone whose love language is words of affirmation.

Because people with this love language find words to be extremely powerful, they are highly sensitive to negative comments and criticisms. In fact, one harsh word can send people in the words of affirmation camp reeling.

Conclusion

Understanding and embracing your partner’s love language is vital for a strong and healthy relationship. If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, expressing love through verbal affirmations can significantly enhance your bond. Remember, being loved and appreciated in a way that resonates with you is important in any relationship.

While the love languages can be a helpful tool for relationships, it's okay if you and your partner seek additional support—especially if you are feeling unloved or unappreciated. You might consider attending relationship counseling to strengthen the bond you have with each other. This can be particularly beneficial if you live in a busy city like New York, where life can sometimes add extra stress to your relationship.

Ultimately, the effort you put into speaking your partner's love language will bring more love, happiness, and satisfaction into your relationship. By taking the time to understand and practice words of affirmation, you are investing in a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner. This effort not only strengthens your relationship but also contributes to a more positive and supportive emotional environment for both of you. Additionally, understanding and speaking your own love language can have a significant impact on your mental health, helping you feel more fulfilled and appreciated. By embracing the five love languages, you can build a more loving and supportive relationship.

Enhance Your Relationship with Waffle

Here at Waffle, our shared journaling app is designed to help you navigate various aspects of your relationship. You can write about how you enjoy receiving love and gain inspiration from others. Whether you want to explore your own love language, write about special moments, reflect on your relationship goals, or understand your partner's primary love language, Waffle provides a supportive space to do so.